Reflections

I had a person a while back ask me why I thought Joelle was born with fibular hemimelia. I wasn't sure how to respond to that question. It seemed that they wanted to pin point what went wrong and if there was a way of preventing it. I know nothing happens by chance. We have a great God, the physician and healer. I knew when Joelle was born that no matter what, He was teaching me to trust Him. He has us in His hands so why would I worry. After Joelle was born via csection and the pediatrician came to my side and told me there was something wrong with our new baby my heart sank. I wasn't sure if I wanted to see her, what if she was really deformed, I felt alone. In my head I started to pray, I choked back a few tears and began reciting Psalms in my mind while the doctors continued to sew me shut again. Breath in breathe out. What was God teaching us, what was God trying to teach me. 

My faith has grown in trusting God in the last year while pregnant with Joelle. She was a big surprise when I found out I was pregnant. We were trying to space our next baby a bit bigger. I wanted to choose when we could get pregnant again but God had another plan for us in mind and gifted to us another beautiful girl. 

A few months prior to Joelle's birth our evangelism committee put on a program called "Two Ways To Live". It was about learning the fundamental basics of explaining the gospel to an unbeliever. It went back to the basics of what it means to be a Christian. I really enjoyed the program but felt a little unsure of myself as far as spreading this good news to others. When we started out we needed to put a name in the front of our book of someone we knew that didn't know about Christ. Mine stayed blank. I felt a little guilty and came to realize maybe I am to sheltered in our "reformed" group of friends. Maybe I should get out more. But my battle to shew that away in my mind was "I'm a busy full time mom at home, I don't need to add this to my plate". I justified not having anyone on my line. I did pray about it, for God to put someone on my path so I could put my new teaching skills to work but it never happened.

This past week I told you about the family we met at the hospital that has the same condition as Joelle. When we talked to them it was great to get to know them. To talk about the dynamics as a mom going through this with our babies. What this all means for the future. We had a great talk and really clicked with them. But I was still uneasy. I had these thoughts in my head that kept telling me to talk to them about the gospel. Ever had that nagging feeling that you should put Christ in the center of your conversation and be open to others about your love for Christ. I wanted to comfort this other mom because she felt so unsure about it. She was saying how she was trying so hard to think back on what she might have done to deserved this. I wanted to speak to her about the gospel of

 John 9.

1As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. 2His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?”

3“Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him. 4As long as it is day, we must do the works of him who sent me. Night is coming, when no one can work. 5While I am in the world, I am the light of the world.”

6After saying this, he spit on the ground, made some mud with the saliva, and put it on the man’s eyes.7“Go,” he told him, “wash in the Pool of Siloam” (this word means “Sent”). So the man went and washed, and came home seeing.

After we left our visit with the doctors and this family we went back down to our van in the underground parking lot. I told Geoff I wasn't happy with how that visit went. He felt it went very well, and it did, but....then it hit me... we need to go through this journey with Joelle with Christ always at the center. I need to put God in full glory of what will come our way. Joelle was given this and us as her parents as a way for God to be glorified. That is the purpose of this, that is our goal. No doubt, there will be difficult days for her and for us as her parents but there will be those shining days where "God might be displayed in her". It was not by coincidence that we took this course with friends in the church, it was not by chance, this was all planned by God. God was preparing us for the future He has for us. 

Psalm 139

 13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. 14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;your works are wonderful,I know that full well.15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place,when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.17 How precious to me are your thoughts,^a God! How vast is the sum of them!18 Were I to count them,they would outnumber the grains of sand—when I awake, I am still with you.